For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
