So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
