you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
