so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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