My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
