i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
