You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was born a porn star she said
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
