you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
