I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
