1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
