you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
