just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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