A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
