WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
