All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
