if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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