Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
