Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
