from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
