I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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