I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
