Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize