If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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