shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
