He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
