what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
