Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
