We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
