How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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