i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I did not marry a roomba.
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