Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one might say we're banned from that church
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
