ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
