So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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