she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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