We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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