Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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