Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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