you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
