took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
