I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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