did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
