I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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