i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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