: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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