I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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