Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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