How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
