She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
