And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
