I can tuck mytits in my pants
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
