I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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