It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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