Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hippo gnu deer
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
