did you get engaged???
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
