We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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