dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My ATM looks so different sober.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
