I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
