You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
