Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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