:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
