Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
