I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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