thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
