and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
