There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the day after is always just damage control
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
