Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
