I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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