I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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