he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
